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Handles

In my twenties I tooks some martial arts classes: Judo, Aikido, T'ai Chi Chuan.  My Aikido instructor made a point of telling us students not to offer our opponents handles to make it easier to throw us.

I haven't been in a dojo for decades but that piece of advice has stayed with me. I have spent my career involved in the genteel world of campus politics. Outside this bubble conflicts continue over disputed regions, resources, presidents who hate many of our country's citizens based on their gender or skin color. 

Very early on I realized that caring about what others think about me gave them handles with which to manipulate me. I'm human and so that constantly comes to mind as I interact with others, in conflicts great and small. I have my pride, more than an abundance of it.

The times when I have been able to persevere in pursuit of a goal in the face of resistance and/or active opposition, it has always been when I stop caring about what others think of me. And so I try to be true to myself and trust that the people who like that are the people I want to like me. Easy it's not, and the struggle is daily. 

More often than not, such selfless victories as I've had often serve to convert opponents to my cause (not to me, but to my cause) which has far more grace inherent that conquering opponents and investing long-term in vengeance and reflexive payback.

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