Public versus Private

I have never served in the military, although family members have, as well as the paramilitary (police). I have been in academia most of my adult life.

Because I have an interest in systems and how to make them work better I was drawn early in my career to committee work, and along the way I would have disagreements with folk. As long as I felt comfortable that we shared the same goals and values I have not been bothered much by disagreements over means, and I have frequently learned from them when I listened to someone who was more right than myself.

Although I have done a fair amount of public speaking, primarily at faculty meetings as chair of Academic Council one year and chair of our University Curriculum Committee for a decade or so, I have rarely sought to resolve disagreements publicly.

My experience, in person and in what I have picked up from listening to others, is that folk are much more defensive in front of a crowd (I know that I have been) and more likely to dig in on their position than to listen to a counterargument well enough to evaluate its merits.

I have always felt that there was immensely more grace in converting an opponent to my point of view than somehow triumphing over them, particularly in public. This served as a reinforcement that perhaps my point of view has merit, and failure to do so that perhaps I was in error.

There is a passage in the Bible, Matthew 18:15, that made an impression on me as a child and has served as a pretty good framework for me. If you have a quarrel with someone start with a one-on-one conversation, and if that fails bring someone else along (as witness, which often changes the dynamic but still keeps the stakes low) to continue the discussion, and then go public.

It is the nature of my (soft) life that I rarely have had to go public. When I do I constantly second-guess myself; is it ego? is it counterproductive? These questions are hard to answer and yet I do go public when I feel the need. I don't think I do it so much with intent as by compulsion, that there are some things that I can't just let happen, particularly when I think it will cause harm to others. These are judgment calls and I do try to err on the side of protecting others from harm. I like to think that I have caused more good than harm myself but that really isn't my call.