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Handling Dishonesty

I have found it useful to act as if I believe what I am being told by people who are part of my life. I don't extend this to sales people, politicians, etc.; I am referring to folk who I will interact with over time and whose behavior I am capable of modifying.

I do not always believe what I am being told by this group of people. That sounds cynical and I find cynicism to be incredibly lazy as an approach to life so I hope that my judgment is more than automatic rejection. I know that my memory of what I have said and done often improves with age as a fine wine or cheese does. Perceptions, particularly of one's own actions, are very doubtfully completely accurate in the aggregate. I aim to score in the high 90's in my life but I'm not the one who can do the grading.

Sometimes there is evidence of intentional dishonesty. I catch students cheating from time to time, and denials fail in the face of clear evidence.  In every other context in my life strong evidence of intentional dishonesty is hard to come by.

Aware of the weakness of the case I have never tried to make dishonesty on the part of a colleague or administrator the main focus of my reaction. I have seen too many people try this and fail to modify anyone's behavior, neither the dishonest person or whatever audience may be witnessing the exchange. To be blunt it just doesn't seem to work, at least in the contexts I've lived and worked in.

It always seems to be more effective to focus on the subject of the dishonesty and push to make that the subject of the conversation. It allows an opponent to make concessions while saving face (and putting them on notice that I don't believe what they have said) and it often rallies others to my side who would hold back their support if the discussion deteriorated into a you-said/I-said argument.

Having said all this, I do keep score and adjust how much I rely on people to do the right thing when I know that they are willing to say things that are knowingly false or to use partial truths to misdirect. 

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