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Backing Off

I spent last weekend mulling it over, and this past week I contacted my superior at the Mathematical Association of America to ask her to find a replacement chair for a committee I lead. I'm a very proud person and it was difficult but the right thing to do.

These past few months have been draining for me; family members have needed comfort, then I was in a car accident, and recently my arthritis in my right knee affected my ability to walk. It's taken a lot of my effort and at some point I needed to back off of something that was under my control.

I tend to take on a lot of commitments where I feel as if I have something to contribute. I've had what seems to be more than my share of stamina in most of my life and so worrying about balance hasn't been quite as big an issue. 

I've been department chair for two six-year stints and stepping down those two times at the end wasn't as difficult. I had set goals for the department and when those goals seemed to be satisfied it was time for new blood, new ideas, new styles. 

This is different. I don't feel as if my goals for this committee were achieved, even though I do think we are off to a good start. I just don't think that I can be the one to take it further.

Of all the costs that come with the benefits of aging in perspective and experience, this loss of stamina has been the hardest one for me to face. Rather than jam on the brakes when I retire I fear I need to start pumping the brakes for the immediate future.

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