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Bachelor Life (Temporarily)

My wife and I have been married for 35 years, so I have very much adapted my lifestyle to having a loved one (or more when the kids lived with us) under the same roof.

I am a break of dawn morning person, so I have learned to be quiet and am quite good at dressing in the dark, given that I select my clothing the night before.

I cook mindful of things that others do not eat (how could one of my children hate the inoffensive pea is beyond me but that is another story), moderate my use of hot peppers, etc.

I put my things away when I am done and am pretty good about treating common space as common.

My wife and I, empty-nesters that we are now, have a pretty good division of labor for household chores. My love of cooking (while my wife enjoys cooking she doesn't enjoy it as much as I do) means that I handle grocery shopping and other related things. I am OCD in many ways with all my checklists so I'm the one who checks the oil in the cars, the tread on the tires, the smoke alarms, etc. My wife puts in more time than I but insists that she is happy with the division.

My mother-in-law, who is a lovely woman who has always treated me very well, is ill, and my wife is taking time to be with her and help her as she has throughout her long illness. It is very effortful as my wife has a career, the drive from here to there is 535 miles, and my mother-in-law requires a good deal of assistance. (She has aides who treat her well but likes my wife to help her when she can.)

So I have been living the bachelor life more and more this past year or two even as I stay in pretty constant touch asynchronously (text and email) with my wife. Wild man that I am, that means I pre-sort the dirty laundry (as I shed it) on the living room floor instead of mixing it up in the hamper. I am up wielding a sharp cleaver on food prep before the break of dawn with Bach's The Art of the Fugue cranked up high. I am exploring types of hot peppers that I have never met before; currently I am infatuated with Gochujang (look it up if you need to). 

I no longer know if it was by choice or by inclination, but having a chosen family to me has always meant that my center has been at home. My recreation that takes me away from it always brings a part of it with me; last Sunday my wife came with me to a concert, etc. My job and career make me who I am in significant ways but that has always been in tension with my responsibilities to those I have chosen to love and I do not fear one side of the personal/professional divide overwhelming the other.

As always, your mileage may vary---

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