Skip to main content

Backlog/Distraction

At various points in my career I have struggled with distractions because of ongoing family issues. I love the members of my family and so when they are in pain it occupies a significant chunk of my mental real estate.

The first time I couldn't avoid the issue was the premature birth of our first child, who arrived 6.5 weeks early. I was department chair at the time and I did what I could to teach my classes and enable my department members to do their job for the 23 days he spent in the neonatal intensive care unit when I was only sleeping a few hours each night. It was obvious to all around me what I was going through and my loved ones and friends all worked to lighten my load.

Since then I have had other such issues, sometimes obvious (the death of my father) and often less obvious. I am introverted and do not easily go out of my way to share what I am going through or ask for help.

I have a close relative right now whose dementia has taken a turn for the worse. I am physically at my job but only the teaching has received my best efforts. I've fallen behind of where I wanted to be in terms of committee work and it weighs upon me; should I step down? should I ask others to take the lead?

But I know how this works as I have been doing it for a while, in good times and bad. I will explain my lateness, honestly but tersely, and pick up the work and do it. It is why people keep coming back to me to do things for them. I fall short of my own standards but the excellent will not be the enemy of the good in my life. Good work is good work. Sometimes, every now and then, I do great work. Not today though.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Betrayal

I caught a student cheating on a final exam this morning. I had a line of sight on them and watched for ten minutes as they took their cellphone out of their pocket, kept it below their table, typed into it, read it, put it away, then wrote on the exam, repeating this cycle over and over again.  I was a bit surprised as the exam was open notes but this student had not attended many of our classes, just stopping by for exams, and I conjecture that they had no notes to open. I confronted the student who admitted that they had done wrong in an inarticulate non-confessional way. By the afternoon they had signed off on the honor code violation report to avoid further investigation and possible sanctions beyond failing the exam.  Is anger the right emotion to feel now? I had a working relationship with the student, although they had not contributed much to it. They had deceived me in order to gain unwarranted advantage over their peers in the class and that is not right. I don't wan...

Accountability

Mathematics as a discipline teaches accountability. Every claim, whether it be a computation result or a statement (theorem) about how things work is accountable. We teach this accountability developmentally, with lower expectations at the beginning, and sometimes folk who study mathematics casually don't understand this. In my multivariable calculus classes, which I teach most frequently, I usually phrase my expectations as "give me a reason to believe your answer", citing my time working at an investment bank where my recommendations had financial repercussions and my supervisor never took my word for anything. In higher-level mathematics classes such as Abstract Algebra or Analysis I can be more explicit: these are the things we all agree to assume, these are the proof techniques which we understand; can you make an argument that convinces the community who have accepted those axioms and rules of inference that what you claim is true? We work hard to remove the ego fro...

Holiday Break

I have been teaching for 37 years now, and I go through many of the same things at the end of the Fall semester each year. There is relief at the completion of a significant task (teaching each of my classes) but there is a good deal of physical and mental weariness and aches. I could sleep for several days straight if not for my sleep disorder. By and large my mind is not very sharp and as an introvert I try to be pleasant with loved ones but am not outgoing at all. With age the feeling of being drained deepens in more and more ways. Of course this is when we have, almost every year, taken a road trip to visit birth families in the Northeast, a full day of driving each way, often involving winter weather far worse than what we are accustomed to in NC. I love my birth family members as well but as with my created family I am weary and not very outgoing. The conversation is rarely about me and my day-to-day life but rather about younger family members and family friends that I do not kn...