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Sleeplessness

For at least a third of my life I have struggled with lack of sleep. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea in 2003. My wife thinks that my snoring (i.e asphyxiating and waking up) preceded that by many months.  I have been faithful with the main treatment, using a CPAP device to pump air into my lungs at night.

And yet: even with the CPAP my sleep is troubled. I have back pain issues (a pinched nerve) that are exacerbated by lying down so there is a natural governor in terms of how long I sleep:  at some point the pain makes itself known.

Early on I did not have coping strategies in place. For most of my life I had been able to rely upon my wits and memory to perform well without much preparation. That failed me more and more as my sleeplessness progressed. I suffered from severe depression then for my life as I had known it was coming to an end. 

At some point I acknowledged the feelings and started identifying coping strategies to help me find joy in this new stage of life. I am very meticulous now, decades later, in keeping records, writing notes after meetings, sorting and saving emails for later rereading, making a plan before each meeting, the whole bit. If anything I think that I am functioning better now for doing so than I did when I was winging most things.

And yet: that panache of walking into a high-stakes encounter and pulling things together as I walked through the door, it sure was a lot of fun.

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